Urgh

For all these weeks months I've been waiting and waiting for spring, desperate for warmer days, no snow, budding flowers and walks with the dog. But somehow it seems I managed to forget the catch 22 that comes with all that goodness,

fibromyalgia pain.

The last week it's been creeping up on me, a little more leg pain and a need to take naps during the afternoon on the weekend, and starting yesterday the wet weather and rain began and it got colder and all of that fluctuation makes me feel like I've been completely knocked on my ass. Like the Monty Python foot, only I've always thought of it more like being back handed by a giant hand directly into a wall.

But really the symptoms are nothing new, as I said in my first post about my illness, it's something I've had for eight... make that nine years now, so I know how to deal with it, but shit, after all this time, it's getting more than a little old. Though I'm well aware of all the things I need to do to help get through the spring; continue to eat healthy foods regularly throughout the day because food is fuel for me, double up on my Shaklee vitamins, cut down on my alcohol intake (grrrr) and get sleep... sleep... and more sleep. It's ridiculous all the sleeping. It was even more ridiculous when I was so depressed I barely got myself to and from class in college, but even now, so many years past that, it often feels like I really don't want to go to bed so early or stop my day on a weekend to sleep, but I don't have a choice. It's frustrating.

And I need to force myself to work out. It helps to work my muscles and even though it feels contradictory, it helps to give me energy. But it's hard. And I was thinking about it tonight when I got home from work and brought King out to potty in the rain, how I was so tired I didn't know if I was going to be able to work out. And then I wondered if I'm just using that as an excuse not to workout (because I hate doing it) and if I really tried I could do it. The conclusion seems to be maybe a little bit of both, I didn't work out last night because I didn't feel like I could, but tonight I'm forcing myself to get on the elliptical machine and stay on it for a half hour, even if I go at a snails pace. It's a slippery slope to let myself off the hook too easily and I'm not going to let myself start doing that and I'm not going to hide behind the attitude of a victim.

Um, I think this whole post turned into a bit of a much needed whine and a little bit of a pep talk to myself. Oops! Oh well, at least if you've read this far you can just think to yourself "At least I don't have that!" And if it just so happens that you do, be sure to do all the things listed above and don't forget to be patient with yourself.

I'm going to put my sports bra on now. Wish me luck.

(update: working out on the elliptical machine while watching the show The Biggest Looser is the way to go... very motivational. It helped me rock out a pretty decent workout!)